


Unlikely Things

by wynnebat



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Crack, Cross-Generation Relationship, F/F, Harry Potter Next Generation, Lesbian Vampires, Post-Hogwarts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-18
Updated: 2015-07-18
Packaged: 2018-04-10 15:43:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 848
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4397699
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wynnebat/pseuds/wynnebat
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Padma drinks a margarita, flirts, and bemoans her new existence.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Unlikely Things

**Author's Note:**

> Should not be taken seriously in the slightest. Warning for total crack and past forced vampire turnings.

It was statistically unlikely for Aurors hunting down rogue creatures to be turned. Before joining the Aurors, Padma read all the manuals twice, and afterwards, she came up with various charts and graphs of Auror turnings, deaths, and dismemberments. It had mostly been for the benefit of her parents, who'd much rather she joined the family potions supply business, but it has done its job to comfort herself, too. That time when she'd been in a cave-in with rare stagnar rock preventing the use of magic? She'd told herself that only three Aurors in the history of the ministry's existence had ever died from a cave-in. And three was quite a nice wizarding number, so the universe should really try to keep it that way, right?

The last Auror turning had been years ago, during the second wizarding war, and it had been by the crazed werewolf Fenrir Grayback, who was long dead by now. Padma hadn't even been worried. It had been such an easy, in and out job: find the vampire, stun it, and return it to its coven for punishment.

A couple days later, she sat on the side of a cot in the healing room of that same coven, and cursed her luck, the universe, Auror records, and the vampire who'd sliced through her neck before she'd managed to take it down. One drop of venom was all it took for her to be sipping a bloody margarita as she tried to get used to her new circumstances.

"Don't get me wrong," Padma said, as the healer who'd been attending to her for the past few days came into the room, "I'm glad you're not as stuffy here as St. Mungo's. But are margaritas the best way for me to come with all of this hellishness?"

The healer laughed as she checked Padma's medical chart. For all that she was the daughter of Padma's old schoolmates, Ginny and Harry, neither her laugh nor her features really reminded Padma of them. Lily's hair was some shades darker than the typical Weasley red, her eyes were hazel with flecks of a lovely dark green, and the robes she wore were much too fashionable to have ever graced the backs of her more sporty parents. Padma had to wonder how much was the effect of Lily's accidental turning a few years ago, and how much was just her.

Padma hadn't seen much of a change in herself, yet, aside from a pesky lust for blood. She didn't feel particularly evil, she hadn't spontaneously turned into a bat, and she hadn't yet felt the urge to fly to London and cry, "I must feast on your mortal souls!" (It was quite possible that Padma has read too many vampire novels in her formative years, and had a few notions of vampires that weren't quite correct.)

"We do things a little differently here in the covens, and you can't deny it isn't more fun. As for being a vampire... it's not that bad," Lily said, tucking a lock of hair behind her ear as she turned her attention completely towards Padma.

Padma sighed. Lily had obviously been a vampire too long if she thought so. But, "I suppose at least I didn't have a spontaneous change in skin color and/or become all unhealthily pale-looking."

"You're really very lucky," Lily said, quite sincerely. "I inherited all my mum's redheadedness and now I have to be twice as careful about the sun as before. I only keep a sort of healthy tone by bathing in indirect sunlight for a half hour each day. And lots of sulfur gas. I don't know why, but it helps."

"Are there any other stereotypes or subversions I should know about?"

"There's no magical healing or aging," Lily said regretfully. "You're stuck the way you are now."

Padma nodded, and didn't really mind. Late thirties was a perfectly respectable age, unlike the late teens look Lily was still sporting. She was the youngest Potter kid, so she had to be at least twenty-two by now, no matter how young she looked.

"The discrimination is kind of a real thing."

Padma sighed.

"Blood tastes nasty even when it comes from willing people donors. It's only mildly better in alcohol."

Padma sighed again, a little softer this time. She was very used to her twin's cooking; blood couldn't taste worse than that.

"You're not going to suddenly become a lesbian though?"

"Too late," Padma replied.

Lily nodded. "Statistically, it should be unlikely that we have so many lesbians in our coven, but I think that this stereotype might be some kind of glitch in the universe."

Padma couldn't help but smile, and as she stared at Lily's not blood red lips, she said, "This isn't at all what I'd thought being a vampire would be like."

"The books aren't very realistic," Lily replied. "But they're very correct about our sexual prowess."

"Really?" Padma said. "I think you might be biased, being a vampire for so long and all."

"I can prove it to you," Lily said, grinning.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading!
> 
> Complete; no sequel planned.


End file.
